Stoneham - Mother Loss and Healing

Review published 16 November, 2023 in The Berkeley Times, Knox Book Beat as "Grief & Gratitude."

Catch Me When I Fall: Poems of Mother Loss and Healing by Donna Stoneham
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

In the obsessive world of California one-upspersonship, the cynical and jaded might call Donna Stoneham’s Catch Me When I Fall: Poems of Mother Loss and Healing childish and banal; but in post-pandemic nightmares, portents of WWIII every night on the news and the REAL, IMMEDIATE world of family, community and relationship churning up in every post-pandemic psyche and household, it is a shining star of simple eloquence, sincerity, grace and gratitude. We NEED childish. (Or as George Carlin said, “childLIKE.”) We CRAVE the “banal” if it means “commonplace,” “ordinary” and “normal” when the “new normal” is chronic agoraphobia; bombing and shooting up elementary schools, celebrations, refugees, hospitals and places of worship.
Hey, if "Love" is your Baptist-Republican Mama’s favorite word from St. Paul channeling from heaven to your White Tara retreat in Khatmandu, Go for it, Donna, and Tell it like it is! The truth of your and her and St. Paul’s “greatest of these is Love” in thOur contexts ring out like an Armistice bell over a vast graveyard. “The war is over, if you want it,” said John and Yoko, you look up and see a bumper sticker that says “Just Be Kind” and believe it, take it as a sign, the same way I did coming out of the neonatal care unit where our child was waffling between life and death to see one that said “Expect A Miracle.” So we did.

In the midst of her “jagged,” “recursive,” “repetitive spiral” of grief as well as reconnecting to work and world events; Stoneham finds “What I’m realizing, through being forced to move slowly as I’ve worked to heal my…injury, is that I no longer want my life to be focused on driving to make things happen through sheer force of will. What I choose now is to trust that whatever I need will emerge in divine timing. All I need to do is to hold that faith and remain open to the possibilities around me, so that I’m able to receive what’s coming next.” 

“Trust,” “divine” and “faith” remind us of the GOOD parts of family relationships and religious community she found in those years. Thank you. Much better than “hatred,” “authoritarian” and “fear.” (P. 190, Stoneham.)
Death of a loved one isn’t fun, life isn’t perfect, but “Mama” channels “grace will sustain you through every challenge you face in your life if you allow it space to enter,” and Stoneham records, “Your wise granddaughter took my hand, looked me in the eyes, and said, “Aunt Donna, instead of thinking about what happened then, why don’t you think about how much fun we’re having now, and then you won’t be so sad?”” (p. 189-90. Ibid.) Out of the mouths of babes… Childish? Right on!
Between November 2015 and 2021, she comes to “Mama, thank you….As bereft as I feel from (Roxie’s) loss, I rest in the faith that the circle of life is unfolding, and that neither one of you is far away.” (P. 251 ibid.) May we all be so blessed and balanced!

(13 December, 2023)  https://donnastoneham.com/    (2023)


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